Thank you 2019!

Turning something bad into something good

Hi my loves,

as you all know the indeed very young 2019 actually started with some turbulences, mostly in my private life. Maybe a little more like this. Ok, the last months in 2018 were pretty exhausting and difficult as well. I feel like I have booked a permanent ticket for the rollercoaster without the possibility to take a break. Happy Hour in repeat, over and over again. No break and no reset. Sometimes I don’t even know if I should laugh, cry or if I just feel sick. Well, it’s mostly a mix of all emotions. And I do ask myself: “Is it something good?” Honestly I don’t know but I know one thing for sure: I do not want any stillstand.

Of course there are always phases and phases in our lives. Life isn’t always that smooth, life does not stick to any plans. By the way I absolutely think this is one of the biggest misbelieves. Life has always it’s very own plan. This is what I learned several times now. The trick is turning something negative like defeats, deep hits and breakdowns into something positive. We need to go through painful, scary or completely scatterbrained phases to draw a balance. A balance for us and for our lives. It is indeed the only way to feel and notice what we really need. Or not.

They say you grow when you have to fight against a strong resistance. Only if the resistance is strong enough we are able to mobilise all our strength to go through it and that’s the only way to feel satisfied in the end. If we are talking about relationships there is no panacea at all, no secret. There is no “wrong” and no “right”. It’s just about feelings. It is always all about feelings and they are not easy to explain from time to time and sometimes it is just not possible to understand them at all.

The most important thing: don’t ever rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth! Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make it happen. Accept who you are – every day. The good and the bad. And if you like to make changes then just do it. But only if YOU want them and not because you just think anyone else wants you to be different!

These are just my own experiences and you might cannot hear it anymore and it might sound like one of these wise authors of these so called advisors. But it’s just what I have to say. With my mid-thirties I can truly say that I have experienced a LOT and when I talk about a lot I really mean a LOT. I have actually survived certain things someone would not survive. Dreadful, horrible and disturbing things. But I am like “Phoenix from the ashes”. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. That is definitely true!

But the truth is I am still searching, searching for answers, searching for life goals. I have not yet arrived. I am still restless. Is it my being or is it just our society? I guess it is a mix of everything. I have tried to see things more rational and to also judge in a more rational way but what should I say? I am a hopeless romantic. Not only when it comes to love, in life general.

For me personally it is not an option to be satisfied with just an ordinary life. Who actually wants to look back at life while saying “Well, yes, it was quite ok…” Nope! Me neither! It doesn’t sound like it was an exciting life. But I do want excitement, I want fervor, I want love, I want everything! I just want to live and enjoy my life to the fullest. And with this I also want to go through every up and down. Because there are only ups when you have gone through the worst downs and the other way round. That’s life! If anything would be straight and smooth it would be really really boring, right?

Yesterday I met a very special person. A person I still care about. And this person left me with a weird feeling. Again I had to think about life and life goals. Core of the meeting/statement was that we might not only make right decisions in life and we might also make decisions that we will regret in the end. But what should I say? Afterwards you are always, always, always smarter!

But what are we supposed to do? How can we find out which decision is the right one? Which is the right way? It is a matter of fact that it’s just impossible. Something might be right now but it can be wrong the other moment. So what!?

Sounds quite melodramatic, right? Well, it actually is. It’s just the truth and it is inescapable. To sum it up I can say that the only right thing is to always listen to your heart. Your feelings will tell you what to do. Just take care and deep inside you will know what to do when it’s the right time.

I am sure that after every deep valley there will be a gondola to get you up. And who knows? It might be the gondola which puts you into unexpected heights!? You just need to be free and ready, let go. Leave things behind and open your eyes and your heart. Do not look back. With this in mind it can only get better!

Have a fabulous week loves,

Monique xx